| |
Too Much
Disclaimer: this installment is for the sole purpose of entertainment both the author and the readers.
I do not intent to make money of it, so please don't sue me.
All characters unless noted otherwise are the property of J.R.R. Tolkien.
It's Tolkien's fault. Had he given us more female Elves to work on....
As it is we must deal with what we have - not that we care. :-))
Rating: R/NC-17
Summary: In the wake of Elrond's council solitary Erestor finds a new love ....and an old one returns unexpectedly.
Slight SM, lots of drama and some sex. Be warned and prepared...
Author's note: this is the result of an RPG, so not solely written by me but by Lady Phoenix as well.
Archieve: as long as we know: yes.
Feedback: YESSSSSS! It keeps us going!
Pairing: Erestor/Lindir, Erestor/OMC
Erestor paced the hall in the Healing Houses. They had given him a fresh tunic so that his dignity was restored. Yet he did not care too much. They had sent him out of the room because he was fretting over Lindir and only a hindrance to the healers. Finally! Elrond emerged the room Lindir was in.
"How is he?" Erestor did nothing to hide his deep anxiety. And his heart sank when he saw Elrond's grave face.
"The arrow was poisoned and bewitched. There is nothing I can do. I am sorry, 'Tor."
"But....you healed the Halfling!" Erestor was at a loss.
"I wasn't alone then, as you may remember. Mithrandir was here to help."
"Are you saying that he is going to fade?" Erestor felt sick to the core.
"I don't know but... Aye, that is possible."
"I will not have that, El!"
"I'm afraid you have no say in this." Elrond said gently. It tore at the Lord's heart to see his mentor and friend suffer the way he did.
Erestor's despair found its valve in flaring anger. "I told you this would happen! But you wouldn't listen! And now you tell me that he will fade?!" Erestor's voice had risen and he was pacing up and down the hall with a limp.
"Erestor, calm down, will you?"
"Nay. I should not have let you have your way, Elrond. Not this time."
"You are out of your mind, Erestor. Your judgment is clouded by your personal feelings and I will not listen to your rede until you manage to sort this out." Elrond yelled back.
"Are you" Erestor paled visibly, voice calm and proud now as he rose to full height. "Are you implying I am afraid to fight?"
Elrond stared for a second, then laughed out loud. "Nay, I'd never do so. You are worried out of your mind about Lindir's wellbeing."
"Elrond, all I ever wanted was too keep Lindir safe! He is so...young, he should not be forced to know the ugly faces of war. And we have allowed for his innocence to be taken from him. If he survives." Erestor's voice had softened a great deal by now. "Can I see him?"
"Yes, of course."
~~~
The Chief Counselor entered the sick-room and immediately felt a cold fist squeeze his heart. Lindir's face was deadly pallid, almost lifeless, his eyes were closed!
It wasn't fair! Here he stood, had buried two mates and a son and there laid such a sweet young elf who would probably never know what it was like to feel love.
He gathered a cold hand in his. "I wish I could take your place."
Lindir's eyes fluttered open at the gentle touch. Seeing Erestor at his side, he smiled wanly. "You did not leave... they made you and... I was not certain whether you would return." Pale blue eyes studied the warrior's face. "You will stay with me, then?"
"If that is your wish, aye." Erestor was overjoyed to see his protégé conscious again. Not knowing how to express this or where to put his hands that wanted nothing but embrace Lindir, he gently brushed a wayward strand from the young one's forehead.
The drugs had faded from Lindir's system, and he blinked after speaking the words. "No... no, you must return to the borders..." The fate of Imladris was certainly of more importance than his weakness.
Erestor rolled his eyes "Now you sound like El. I will not leave before you are not better." he rose an index-finger and imitated Elrond's infamous cocking of eyebrows. "And don't you argue. That is an order." Erestor tried to make light of the situation, he did not want to upset Lindir about his condition.
//If you were stronger you would be no burden now.// His arm ached rather painfully, and the dreadful heaviness refused to lift from his limbs. "I am sorry. I should have been more observant..."
"Nay. Observance doesn't help with magic, meldir." never letting go of Lindir's slim hand, he sat down gingerly on the edge of the sick-bed. "How do you feel? Does it hurt badly?"
"It is... it is getting better," Lindir finally decided. Indeed the throbbing now was nothing compared to the searing pain of earlier, and the spider web of veins surrounding the wound seemed to be fading somewhat. "All will be well with time. Did Lord Elrond not say as much?" It struck Lindir only then that though he knew Erestor would have spoken to the man, he had not used it as words of comfort, not related any word. "You must not shield me from myself. If... if things are worse than I believe... you will tell me?"
Erestor bit his lip - had Lindir read his mind? Nay, it seemed only logic. "The wound is just a flesh-wound. But....Lord Elrond says that the arrow was laced with both poison and black magic. And that he can't do anything about -" Erestor's voice cracked and he quickly turned away to hide his tears from the young elf. //get a grip! Don't always loose your countenance when you're around him.//
"Ah... so... it won't heal, then." Lindir, expression blank as he tried to process the news, looked toward the window. From the courtyard, light still streamed in. It seemed wrong that things should look so normal. //Dying... I never expected...// He knew that warriors going into battle--even elves--had to prepare themselves for death as an eventuality. As a bard, Lindir had always somehow thought himself above such a concern.
Turning to Erestor, he managed to blink back any self-pitying tears and inquired quietly, "How long? Did... did he say how long?"
It took quite a while for Erestor to calm himself. After he wiped his face, he faced Lindir again, trying to smile and failing miserably.
"He doesn't know. He can't even say if you will fade or what else will happen to you. Maybe -" and that thought gave him back some hope suddenly, "Maybe the magick was only used to make the arrow penetrate the armor?"
It overwhelmed him again and he cupped Lindir's cheek "By the Valar, I am so sorry, Lindir! I should have kept you out of this!"
"The fault is not yours," Lindir answered in the same oddly calm tone. His hands trembled, but he clutched them into fists a moment later. "As to the magic... there is more to it... I feel the darkness of it... Beyond the pain, there is... an ache...."
"Ai! I know that darkness, meldir." oh, why had this to happen? Erestor wanted nothing more than to hold Lindir, to help him through this. he rubbed Lindir's hand with his thumb, feeling rusty about showing affection. He had not done so since his second love had died in the Nirnaeth in the First Age.
After a moment to consider his options, Lindir closed one hand over Erestor's. "If I am not long for these shores..."
Erestor's mouth already opened to protest when he chided himself to be calm and strong, for that was what Lindir needed now. Not some more things to be upset about.
The younger elf's gaze strayed to the window once again. He'd always planned someday to return to his home, to see again the moon-drenched shores. //I suppose that it will not now come to pass.//
Erestor quietly asked a servant who was quietly carrying in some linens, to fetch an item from his private rooms.
It was a small ebony box with silver inlay. It held Erestor's most valued treasure: A crystalline vial, seamlessly sealed. It had been made in the early days when the Eldar lived in Valinor without Melko's lies shadowing their minds. It held a single drop of Telperion's dew and shone with the most beautiful silvery light from within. It was the sole thing that helped Erestor to keep the looming darkness at bay when his nights got too bad and he had slept countless nights with the vial clutched tightly in his hands. He hoped it might help Lindir somehow for in Telperion's light no evil could prevail.
Dragging his focus back to the other elf, he stared hard at Erestor. "May I be completely honest with you? Time is short now, and no longer do I wish to wait... but... I fear losing your companionship, especially now..."
"You should not think of such things, meldir." Erestor chided Lindir gently. "But you should already know that you can tell me whatever is on your mind, Lindir. I do not have too many friends and you certainly are one. I respect you. I....I hold you dear and cannot see what you could say or do to change that sentiment, young one. - What troubles you so badly? Ease your mind, Lindir, you need peace to heal, so tell me. I promise, if there is anything I can do to help, I will do so instantly." it was no secret between both elves that they were friends to each other and Erestor thought naught of reassuring that with his words.
Hopeful in the face of the reassurances, Lindir smiled hesitantly. There was a nervousness entirely uncommon to the confidant bard. "I... I have long cared for you. You are dear to me as well, a friend, confidant... I know that we often shy away from speaking of what is in our hearts. There are times... when I see your loneliness. It tears at me."
The bard held Erestor's hand a bit tighter. "I always... always wish that... that I could help you. Nay, before you think it, there is no pity in it. Only... desire. I desire to be the one that can make you smile." Lindir licked suddenly-dry lips and then smiled once more. "Sometimes I think that my music moves you, and I desire... to..." Looking up into the elder elf's face, Lindir said, "I know that I am young, and now... saying these things is selfish... It makes me feel better to know that I have told you, when it probably only causes you pain. But if the darkness does not fall from me, I want you to know that I love you, Erestor. Not only as my friend and mentor, but... as someone who desires to fill the emptiness inside you."
Erestor had listened with absolute attention and when Lindir had finished he swallowed repeatedly around a large lump in his throat and his eyes darted around nervously. The confession was completely unexpected!
True, they had known each other for many years now, had very slowly - mainly because Erestor was reluctant to let anybody approach him - become close friends, yet such admission was a surprise, leaving Erestor all but shocked.
What was at stake here? Certainly not Erestor's heart. The elf had lost it already a long time ago. And no matter if he would admit his feelings or not - if Lindir faded, it would break his heart.
But what if Lindir would heal? That was what Erestor hoped for! He wanted to see Lindir alive and happy. What if next year or next yen Lindir would find he had only been infatuated with an idea? Erestor would not hold him back. And again his heart would break.
But was not every moment of happiness, of love and shared life worth heartbreak? Erestor needed no pondering to answer that with a clear YES!
Suddenly he realized that Lindir was waiting for an answer, for some sign. //say something!//
"Lindir, I...." Erestor stopped, still trying to regain some form of composure. He took another deep breath and ventured "I had never thought to ever hear anything like this from your lips. I'm....flattered, moved. I admit that I have tried to keep you at a distance for a very long time for reasons that were no less selfish: I was afraid of being ....rejected, ridiculed or worse: pitied when I would confess my true feelings to you." Erestor stood, his heart pounding and his hands shaking, no matter how firmly he held onto Lindir's
"I am not sociable, unapproachable, a cripple and have an ugly body. In case all of this is no hindrance, Lindir o Lindon, I, Corcorama Erestor Thalonion, would ask permission to officially court you, for I have loved you for many years." Erestor knew that - if Lindir would indeed fade - there wouldn't be much time for courting. Yet this was a serious matter and required a least bit of formality.
The younger elf laughed quietly. Despite the pain, the response, formal and structured but no less heartfelt for it, was perfect. It was Erestor. Beautiful and formal and kind. "If my permission is all that you need, I gladly give it." Lindir's fingers closed onto the calloused hand they held.
"Thank you." Erestor kissed the slender hand before he sat down again. Not only for the pain in his feet - he was certain he had once again broken a bone - but because he was dizzy with happiness.
"You must promise me something also. It may be that I will be lost to this poison... but even if my life is long after the wound heals, promise that you will never hesitate again to speak your mind to me."
"I do." Erestor would never hold back any thought from his future mate. When they would bond....//if he survives. Nay, I will bond with him in any case!//
Again Lindir smiled. The pain was nothing in the face of such news. "I feel as if I could dance... were I certain I could stand."
Erestor laughed softly "I have always loved to watch you dance. Methinks you are the most graceful dancer in all of Imladris."
Lindir smiled at that, blushing faintly. Though he was aware that there were many who desired him, hearing such words from someone whose opinion he respected was wonderful. "Nay... though it is kind of you to say it."
For a moment Erestor was at a loss. His mind and heart were busy digesting the sudden turn in fate while his eyes feasted upon the exceptional beauty of Lindir's face.
"Know that I will not let you go without fighting for you. The Halls of Waiting are no place for you. I would wait the appropriate year before we would bond, but....if things turn to the worse, I would do so any moment to lend you what is left of my strength." the ancient elf blushed, knowing that he implied they would make love.
The offer was kind, heartfelt, and Lindir felt tears come to his eyes. Momentarily at a loss for words, he squeezed the elder elf's hand. "If I did not know the importance of tradition to you, melda, and I were whole..." Lindir faltered for a moment only to smile again, the expression wavering only the slightest bit. "I could not leave this place knowing what is here now for me. I could not go and leave you behind."
"I have been left behind so many times - it is not my whish to suffer that again. I'd rather be there with you instead...though I heard it is a dreadful place, it can impossibly be worse than Arda without you." Erestor fumbled with the small wooden box, a calloused hand wrapped tightly around the small vial.
The dark elf took Lindir's good hand and put the precious source of light into the minstrel's hand. "Maybe - maybe this will help you fight the dark. I do not know if it is any help to those who have never seen the Trees, but if Ithil is indeed made of the same source..."
Lindir clutched the precious vial in his hand. Though there was no true warmth from it, it seemed somehow to warm him. The chill that was settling over his skin began to lift, and Lindir wondered if it was true healing or merely hope.
No longer able to hold back with his emotion, Erestor leant forward and gently embraced Lindir, voice cracking.
//Nay... not healing or hope. Love.// He smiled and held Erestor tightly as he dared with his shoulder still throbbing with the beat of his heart. //So long as I hold his heart, I can survive this.//
Deprived of physical contact for too long, the embrace almost hurt - mentally and Erestor muffled a sob or two. Even if this would be all he'd ever get, it would be more than enough for him knowing what he knew now: that Lindir loved him!
"I want to see you dance again! I want to cry because of your music, not because of you..." he pressed a kiss onto the patch of skin that was closest to his lips.
"Ai... you will." Lindir turned his face to find Erestor's lips. He'd longed to taste them for many moons, and the soft brush against his skin was all the invitation he'd needed. One hand still carefully clutching to the vial, Lindir let the other rise to Erestor's hair, stroking over the braids and loose strands of silk as he pressed his lips to the elder's.
Lindir's reaction was completely unexpected and Erestor's first impulse was to pull away. Then he told himself that he no longer needed to deny himself this, that now it was freely given. His tongue darted out to finally, after all those years of dreaming and wanting, taste Lindir's delicious lips. When he felt a forgotten passion rise, Erestor pulled back slowly.
The elf's face was flushed and he was positively panting "Melamin... I'm afraid we cannot do this now for you need rest and healing." he brushed a hand across his newfound lover's face "You taste even sweeter than the fountains of Valmar!"
"I will rest, then... but only if you remain by my side. The light may help to stave off darkness, but I know that only you could ever heal me." Lindir smiled up at his lover. He lay the vial carefully back in it's box and placed the same on the nightstand to cast a faint glow over them both. "If the Lord Elrond wishes my speedy recovery, he will not deprive me of my cure." The bard lay back against the pillows.
The weariness settled quickly over him, and even before Erestor properly responded to his words, Lindir was drifting into sleep. //He will be here when you wake...//
TBC...
|
