Miscellaneous:

Warning: Just in case you do not pass as adult in your country, don't read further (now, isn't that enticing? ;-) ), because you might find some graphic adult stuff below.

Sparky found somebody worth trusting, but will alcohol destroy things even before they start?

Delirious

++++ dinner ++++

Sparky bowed over her bowl of food and ate concentrated - as always she focused on what she just did. The others were passing words to and fro which she barely noticed. She finished quickly.

The past 2 days were filled with so many new and exciting things her mind was in a stage of being tired on the one hand but on the other there was no thought of sleep.

She couldn't tell later what drew her attention. Maybe just a sigh or something. She looked at Doc's face and for the first time she did it with full consciousness. She studied him frankly neither caring nor thinking of getting caught while he was in a conversation with Midori and Dodger: He was not only good looking but looked like someone who was thinking a lot - maybe in brooding mood sometimes. Life had given him his own share of sorrow. Some tiny wrinkles around his eyes - these eyes...her mind drifted while she still stared at him with a blank face.

"...we gonna fight? Hey, Sparky!" a hand waved in front of her face and she winced when she snapped back into reality

"What? Pardon me, I was absent."

"Yeah, you can tell." this terribly nasty grin on his face.

She turned to Chryo who had been talking to her.

"So what did you say?"

"I asked you when you'd be ready for our little fight?"

"Oh. Not tonight - I'm dead. and then it's up to him" waving a hand towards Doc "Might take a while. Punctured lungs are no fun at all, so I guess I'll be a pet and obey." Chryo seemed to be disappointed - just like Sparky herself.

"In the meantime we could waste time with some skill-testing? I'm good at that - still own all my fingers." out of nowhere her knife appeared in her hand, two fingers sliding down the blade with an almost seductive gesture - she loved to challenge Chryo.

++++ night ++++++

The whole ship was asleep while Sparky lay on her bed facing the ceiling. Sleep avoided her tonight. Again and again her mind drifted back to what had happened in the infirmary. His eyes so hurt, angry and passionate. And his hands: warm, gentle, soothing! Microscopic incidents turning the all-day-picture about a medic and just another patient into something special. Her body longed for his touch and even more: her soul screamed for the comfort his presence promised. He could be trusted. He would never lie.

She finally got up and opened her door. She sneaked to Doc's cabin. It was empty. What a disappointment! Standing there for a second she decided to look for him. *Tonight or never!* Likely he was still at work - the devoted healer he was. Although she was bare-footed and wore only a loose tank-top and some thin floppy pants she did not feel the cold. He was still in the med-bay, she saw his back, head bowed over some work. Sparky smiled and went in "Hey, you work too hard, Doc." her soft voice was barely more than a whisper.

He spun around, the beaker with alcohol still in his hands.

Her eyes widened. She couldn't believe it. She had to steady herself at the table. *NO!* she could nearly _hear_ the jerk of the new tear in the wrecked fabric that once had been her soul. It took all her strength no to crumple in front of him.

"Hypocrite!" she spat it out with all her anger and pain.

"What?" his answer was slow and slurred.

"I hear what you say about treatments no one deserves and then I see you doing just the worst thing possible: self-destruction." her voice sharp like a razor, her eyes slinted.

"Which is better?" He spoke slowly and carefully so as not to slur the words. "To drink your way to liver disease or smoke your way to lung cancer?"

She wanted to hit him as hard as possible to give him a share of her own pains. Her fist shot out and hit the cabinet beside him.

"God damn you fucker! You tricked me. All that blah-blah. Couldn't you just come around and say 'hey,babe let's fuck a bit'?" her voice was bitter "Buddha! I really thought you were different. Hah! I was ready to believe you. I was...." she bit her lip *no, don't give him this satisfaction* "Give me a reason to let you live." She stared up at him, heavily panting, fighting for control.

He flinched again, his breath gone. Silent tears began to slide down his face.

"Give me a reason you fucker!"

She grabbed him by the collar of his sweater and yelled in his face. His eyes slid down and away from her.

"There..." His voice cracked but it worked. "isn't... one."

"What? Look at me you bastard. Don't you fucking look away."

Her left hand gripped his cheek harshly and pulled his face towards hers. Their noses were only a couple of inches apart. She was breathing heavily. He was shaking. Doc's green eyes were naked, his defenses broken, all the pain, all the death, all the failure everything there for her to see. He stared into the cold stone gray of her eyes and felt the contempt flow out of them. He welcomed the pain. He deserved it.

Doc blinked. A tear slid down from his cheek to her fingertips and over the back of her hand. Her eyes followed it. She seemed to study it for a moment. Weighing it. Judging it's worth.

That single drop of salty water killed her rage faster than a tsunami would have done. What was she doing? Was she completely crazy? Two more seconds and she would have killed him. And why? Just because he was alone...

"Sorry..." she whispered, a trembling hand reached out to touch the trace on his cheek. "I'm sorry. forgive me." She looked down, feeling ashamed.

She turned away. She couldn't stand it any longer. She went back into her room, cuddled herself up in the blanket. She couldn't kill him, she even couldn't hit him. At least he would not have another dash on his list to brag about.

Minutes passed and stretched to endless hours. Her anger faded like her pain. That scene replayed in her head on and on. Slowly she realized the look on his face - trapped, hurt. What had happened to her? Had she been so self-centered all the time, that she did not see his side of the story?

Would he ever forgive her?

Could she apologize? She'd never done that before.

She got up again, went back into the infirmary. He was still there, sitting on a stool. She stepped up behind him, put her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry, Doc. I was so blind - can you forgive me?" he did not answer. She stepped around, took the glass form his hands and knelt in front of him. It was too dark to see, but she could tell he was very drunk. "Damn it."

*They must not find him here - not in that state*

She got up and cleaned all traces away, then got hold of him and tried to pull him up

"Get up, Doc! You can't stay here." he did not react.

"Shitshitshitshit!" she leaned in, brought her mouth close to his ears and put all her willpower into her voice "Soldier, move your ass. Get up!"

She steadied him - boy was he heavy! To get him down the ladder was so noisy she wondered if not everybody would stick their heads out to see what was going on. "Sssshhhht! Quiet!" she whispered.

"Sparky..." his tongue was heavy.

"Ssshhht!" They reached his cabin and he finally dropped on his bed. She pulled off his boots and covered him with a blanket.
* Great job you done, bitch! Look at him - that's your work*
She sat beside him his eyes were unsteady. She caressed his face "I'm sorry, Doc."
He reached out for her arm. His hand burned on her skin.

"Where's that tattoo?" he asked, staring at her left arm.

"What?"

"Your tattoo. green."

"Hey, that's been in the Matrix." she smiled

"What's it?"

" A lizard. You've seen it - don't you remember?"

"Wish I was that lizard!" his voice cracked.

*Buddha, why does he say that?*

"No, Doc! Don't. You're so much more - you're here, your're real!"

"What's real?"

"I am real, doushi. And so are you."

"Touch me, Sparky." His voice was husky

*Buddha, Shiva, Christ, whoever: he wants me! - He's drunk... I don't care. I DON'T CARE!*
Her hands slipped down his sweater, searching for the hem and then slipped in - felt his skin so hot under her hands. What a sensation! He moaned when her fingernails grazed his skin.

His hands wandered across her body.
The arousal of feelings had sobered him a bit, but his want had even grown.
Slowly, hesitantly he pulled up her top as if he was afraid of wanting too much, scaring her. She was so wonderful! It was hard not to loose control. When his hands slipped up, he stopped for a second, then, eyes closed, his hands moved further up, cupping her small delicious breasts. "Jazus!" he'd had fantasies about her, but reality was so much better! Her smooth skin, the fresh smell...

Sparky got rid of her top and tossed it on the ground. Doc's hands were on her body, feeling even better than the unaware touches during her treatments. A long missed heat gathered deep in her lap and radiated into her whole body. "oh!" she couldn't hold back a surprised sound when his hands closed around her breasts, gently rubbing the erect nipples. Her head arched backwards, she pressed them against his palms. She tucked at his sweater - wanted to get rid of the fabric! Doc sat up to do so. His hands reached out to her face, pulled her into another kiss that left both breathless. He laid her down on her back and started to kiss her: starting on her forehead, across her face his lips slid down her throat to her breasts, where they lingered for a while, his tongue savored her skin. She moaned, her hands grabbed his hair. His lips went further down across her belly until they were stopped at the rim of her pants.

He went back up, Sparky was rather disappointed! He was so gentle, so slow. And she was burning with desire, waiting for him to fulfill what his hands promised. Her blood rushed in her ears. His hands slipped down to her pants again, this time opening them. Sparky lifted her hips to help him strip them down. He spread her legs and knelt in between while his kisses wandered upwards from her knees to her thighs... "Please, Doc!" she begged

God, she wanted him! And he was so afraid of hurting her, or failing. He wasn't sure if he could do it - it had been a while since he'd had sex for the last time and he was still drunk. And he remembered all of a sudden she'd mentioned in the med-bay she was still a virgin here, in the real. What a gift! What a thought to be the very first...

Sparky stripped off her undies and tried to undress Doc while she let her lips and tongue discovered his chest. He helped her with trembling hands.

"Please, Doc, come!" she whispered

"I don't want to hurt you, love."

"You can't. I promise. You'll make everything allright, I know."

Sparky laid down again, pulled him with her. She was so ready for him! And then he entered her as slow as possible, it drove him nuts. He stifled a groan when she wrapped her legs around his back to offer him even deeper access.

When he started to move inside her, with gentle, slow strokes Sparky moaned loudly. They found a common rhythm and Doc's gentle tender loving brought her to a climax like she'd never had before. He collapsed on top of her. Sparky was sure her soul had left her and met his for a second. She felt it, she had seen it. This had been so different from all the times she had had sex before! But of course, this time was the first real sex she'd ever had.

++++ hours later: ++++

Sparky woke about an hour before the crew. Beside her Doc was sound asleep. She shivered in remembrance of the last hours, but now it was time to leave! With all her skill she sneaked out of his embrace, gathering her belongings - not leaving a trace of her visit. "See you later, my friend - doushi" she whispered before she left his room and hurried back to her own bed. Strange but it wasn't as cold as before.

When she joined the others for breakfast there was not trace left from the precious nightly encounter, all safely locked up inside her.

"Ohayo!" She served herself and sat down.

Her right hand looked worse than it felt: two bloody knuckles and a big bruise over the back. Damn it! She'd have to find an excuse for that - how, without lying?

"Did anyone hear the noise tonight, or was I dreaming?" Tank broke the silence

"An accident. I tripped in the dark and slammed into what-do-i-know. Sorry I didn't intent to wake anyone." Sparky answered fast, before Doc could do so.

"Are you hurt?" Tank looked at her.

Heavens! Will they ever stop their caring? She sighed and wiggled her fingers, "It's not worth mentioning, Tank."

"did Doc see that?" Tank insisted.

*You bet he'd seen that!*
"Not yet, and as I said, it's nothing."

Doc pretended to concentrate on his breakfast. Why was she lying? Was she trying to protect him, to cover the fact he was having a problem with drinking? If so: what did that mean? Or was she only trying to protect herself, to cover the fact she had freaked out again? So many questions, and only Sparky knew the answers. But she was even more distant than ever. Where did reality end and his dreams start last night? Their quarrel in the med-bay must have been real: Tank had heard it, Sparky's hand and the buckled cupboard-door reassured it too. And then?

Dodger followed the scene quiet but attentive. The tension at the table was obvious, but he had no idea what was going on. Rivalry between Tank and Doc? Because of Sparky? Surprise, he'd thought Sparky would prefer Chryo who was of her age. But Chryo seemed to be the only one of the three men who wasn't involved. And what was up with Doc? His friend behaved strange lately. Even now, that an injury was discussed right in front of him he did not react. That was strange! Normally Doc would jump at a broken hair. He would watch that - wouldn't be the first serious fight on a ship due to rivalry! Or did Doc despise Sparky because of her former profession that much he even did not care for her well-being? Not like him, really, but people do change. Doc had always been a pacifist, but a fanatic? Dodger sighed. He had lost the close contact he'd always had with his crew. He needed to change that!

He got up to see Midori who was with her brother in the med-bay.

"How's he?" he hugged her

"Fine - concerning the circumstances" she smiled weakly.

"Midori, did you get any hints about Doc having problems with Sparky? Or Sparky with Tank or Tank with Doc?"

"Can't say. What do you mean? You think they both court her?" the thought made her smile: the woman who had promised herself never to love again was now subject to the courting of two men?

"I'm not sure, Midori. That's why I ask. - What's this?" he had spotted the damaged cupboard-door. He stepped closer. It was a buckle and if he'd ever seen blood on metal, this was. Doc had always been tidy. It was unlike him not to clean up.

"Excuse me, Midori, I need to have this cleared right now."

He returned to the mess

"Sparky, may I have a word with you?" he gestured her to follow him. She followed him to the bridge where he closed the door behind her. He took a seat but Sparky preferred to stay standing.

"Sparky, first of all I want you to know that normally I don't care for how my crew spends their time off. As long as this does not inflict with the duty on this ship, if you know what I mean?"

"Of course, Sir. But I don't understand how I am concerned."

"Do you have any problems with Tank or with Doc? And am I wrong if I'd say that blood on the cupboard in the med-bay is yours?"

Sparky did not answer. Only her jaws were working when she gritted her teeth.

"Sparky?" Dodger insisted, "I appeal to your honor, to tell me no lies now."

"Sir, I ....I can't answer this without compromising somebody else which I can't do."

"Sparky, I can't consider it being normal behavior to crash inventory by night. And just as well I can't consider my medic's behavior being normal - at least not for this specific person. For the sake of this ship and the whole crew I need to know what is going on."

"Sir, I can't answer this! I am sorry to admit my loyalty is split up between two persons. But I will give you my word there will be no further disturbance. And as far as I can tell there is nothing between Tank and Doc."

"So what is between you and Tank or you and Doc or both?"

She did not answer and her attitude made it clear that there was no way to make her tell more.

"OK. You'll clean up the recycler-system. That's all, thank you."

He went down again. Tank was already in his chair, monitoring Chryo who was having a training session in the construct.

"Tank, is there anything going on between you and Sparky? Do you have any problems?"

Tank's eyes popped out, he was baffled. What made Dodger think something like that? "No, man! Me and...? No. I had nothing to do with that noise tonight."

Dodger went back to the med-bay.

"Doc? Would you please walk with me?"

"What is it?" Doc was curious, although anxious inside.

"I am worried, my friend."

"About what?"

"You, Doc. You have changed. I don't see the man who has left us years ago." Dodger said.

"People change, Dodger. We all have changed."

"But I'd have never thought you would change so much that you'd forget to care about a mate. This is so unlike you! Tell me why. Are you so fanatic a pacifist now that you refuse to care for a former criminal just for the sake of her profession? Do you despise Sparky so much?"

"Despise her! What makes you think so? Did she say that?" he couldn't believe what he heard. He had never treated her bad.

"So you don't. Doc, you were always freaking out at the sight of a split fingernail. At breakfast you did not even glance at Sparky's hand, although it was discussed right in front of you. I don't know what to think?"

"I was absent, in thought, that's all."

"So." they stopped at a window. "What's going on between the two of you?"

"God, Dodger, I wish I knew!" he sat down with a desperate gesture.

"So whatever it is about, the two of you seem to be really serious about that."

"What do you mean?"

"I had a word with Sparky but she refused to answer anything, said she would not compromise whoever is involved. I could have put her under arrest, but that wouldn't have changed anything. She's tough. If you managed to crack up her armor, you must have done a really good job, my friend." Dodger patted Doc's shoulder, "maybe the two of you should try to talk?"

"Yeah, maybe." Doc was stunned.

++++ welcome to the real ++++

Doc found Sparky down at the recycler where she just closed the service-lid. She was dirty and smelled badly, cursing below her breath.

"Sparky, can we talk?" he kept his distance although he wanted to hug her badly.

"Sure. As soon as I had a shower. I'm stinky." She did not turn around, closing the lid with the bolts, pulling at the wrench with all her weight. She went into the small cabin, tossing her clothes on the outside.

Through the blind plastic door Doc could see her vapid silhouette. He swallowed hard and forced himself to turn away. He was sure she had no idea what she did to him.

Sparky turned off the water and opened the door, reaching out for a large towel, wrapping herself up in it, she stepped into her boots.

"So, what?" she leaned against the engine, enjoying the warmth of this place. Would he excuse now for the last night? Doc turned around staring: her defensive attitude, arms folded across her chest. What did she worry for?

"Sparky, why did you lie this morning?" he stepped closer.

"Anything else would have compromised you. But that's not what you came here for, right?"

"Last night...", his hand grazed his hair, "I must admit I have no idea where reality stopped and my dreams took over." He looked lost, desperate and Sparky wanted to hug him, give him comfort just as he had done last night for her. But she was waiting.

"What do you want to hear? I mean what would you prefer to be the truth?" she did not stir and she was tense inside - his answer would be so important.

"Ugh, well, you know...at the risk of you giving me shit like hell:", he gathered all his courage, and his voice was longing, "I wish it was all real, Sparky!" he looked into her eyes, tried to find an answer there to his burning question.

Sparky closed the gap between them, pulling him into a hug, "I can assure you it was real, doushi. And it was wonderful." she smiled up to him.

He hugged her fiercely. It was even better now than tonight, now that all his senses were clear. God, she felt so good! He kissed her and she leaned into it. The towel fell to the ground while Doc's hands caressed her soft skin. He was hungry and her body answered to his so wildly, he knew he couldn't hold back. Sparky had Doc halfway undressed when heavy boots thudded down the hatchway.

"Oops! Sorry..." Tank disappeard again.

"Kuso!" Sparky cursed against Doc's lips.

"God! Who was it?" Doc managed a smirk.

They returned to reality. Doc readjusted his clothes while Sparky picked up the towel

"We better get back up." She wrapped herself up again.

"Tonight, love, promise!"

"Tonight." She kissed him once more.

They climbed up the hatchway.

"When you are dressed, come to the med-bay so I can check your hand, OK?"

"Aye, Sir!" she smiled and her eyes sparkled.

Before he went further up to the main deck, Doc took a deep breath and his fingers combed through his hair. He went to the med-bay. Midori was there.

"Hi Midori" he checked Maxim's monitors, "Looks fine."

Midori looked at him - he had changed. "You OK, Doc?"

"Yes, sure, Midori." He changed some tuning on the monitors that worked on Maxim's muscles, "He's improving fast."

Sparky appeared in the door

"Sir, you wanted me to show up."

"Yes, lass - ", how could he call her that way? Last night she had proved she was a woman! Habits die hard. "Show me your hand." He admired her discipline - nobody would be able to tell they had nearly made love five minutes ago! He checked her hand, it hurt him to see it - he had caused that. But he managed to be a pro himself, withstood the urge to kiss every finger.

"Does this hurt?" - "no." - "and this?" - "not at all." - "and if I press here?" - "no." Hell, how did she do that? How could she be so cool, so detached? But he was thankful for that - otherwise he was sure he would have lost control. The hand was OK. It did really look much worse than it was. Sparky left for a training session with Chryo while Doc started to clean up last night's remains.

"Doc?" it was Midori.

"Yes, Midori?"

she pointed at the cupboard "whose blood is that?" she was disturbed.

The day of truths, he thought.

"Sparky's."

"God! What happened?"

How should he explain her?

"We, errr... we had a misunderstanding last night." He was embarrassed.

"Smoking?"

He closed his eyes. "no. Drinking." He whispered and looked into her eyes. She understood. He was relieved!

"I'm sure she is good for you, Doc."

"Feels like." He smiled back at Midori and returned to do the clean-up.

Midori was musing: Doc was a fantastic man - maybe he would be just what Sparky needed to discover the value of love, to find that there was much more than pain to be found. She was sure if there was anybody who could succeed in this task, it would be him.

For Doc this day turned out to be one of the longest in his life...

THE END