MATRIX

The Diamond - Cycle

Standalone Matrix fiction

C.S.I

Lord of the Rings

Queer as Folk

Miscellaneous:

++++ Diamond awake ++++

I finally woke up in the dark. I was shivering in the cold and couldn't see anything *am I blinded? or dead? * It was so dark that I could nearly taste and touch this embarrassing complete absence of light. All of a sudden I felt panic coming up - a completely new experience for me, holding my breath, choking me....

When I rushed off the pallet I was lying on, I felt something getting hold of my left forearm, I managed to get free with a sharp pain. *must get out! * I completely lost orientation, not knowing up and down, knocking my head against a hard surface - I feel very close to completely freaking out when all of a sudden the walls open up

Freezing, grasping for air, I can see a humans' silhouette standing in an opening *why didn't I realize that door before? *

'Calm yourself', a dark voice says, 'everything is allright. You just woke up sooner than we expected. I'm sorry there was no light on.'

*How did he know why I panicked? *

'Do you think you can get some more sleep?'

I nodded.

'Do you mind being left alone?'

'Y...' I cleared my throat, 'Yeah, I guess I will be OK.'

I staggered over to my bed, sitting down while he is watching me. With a faint nod of his head he turned away, moving the door to close it again.

'Can you please leave that door open?' *Buddha! I am whining like a little girl. Heck! What's up with me? *

'sure.'

Off he went. His steps faded out and I could now hear other things: low voices echoing and the sounds you can hear when everything is quiet and somebody else alive & awake is around: shuffling feet, sighs, clearing of nose and throat. To hear I was not completely alone somehow comforted me and I relaxed a bit, cuddling up in my blanket. There was something else: a low noise as if a big machine was running, accompanied by slight vibrations. Where was I?

But it was too cold. I always was feeling cold quickly, friends called me a 'mobile freezing' and here it was cold like winter. Although I tried, I couldn't find a way to feel comfortable enough to fall asleep again.

Footsteps approaching: They sounded lighter, quicker than the ones before. Another person peeks inside my now open cabin. A woman.

'You can't sleep?'

'No. It's too cold.'

'Wait, I think I can help you.'

She disappeared. another door opened nearby and soon she was back with another blanket.

'Hope this helps you a bit. Good night.'

'Thank you.'

She disappeared again and the door she opened before was now being closed. *Cool! 2 blankes should be enough. *

Minutes pass...

The woman must have entered the room next door and it was obvious that she was not alone. I could hear the sounds of two people making love.

I my actual state of mind that was nothing I could cope with. Although you learn not to listen when you spend years with japanese people, momentary I was just too..... *what? * .....confused to focus on my own business. *what business? *

I raised myself, wrapped me up in one of the blankets, exited my cabing and couriously looked around to find that other source of human sounds I heared before...

My bare feet made a splish-splash-sound on the steel floor and the warmth of my feet was quickly absorbed by the cold metal. Most structures were lost in darkness, but anyway this was kind of a strange place. *this is a nightmare and when I wake, i will have a hot bath! * I climbed up a ladder and approached a man sitting in a chair in front of a chaotic conglomeration of keyboards and monitors. Seemed the monitors with the continious scrolling code were the only source of light around.

'Still can't sleep?'

He turned around, giving me a friendly but concerned look. I took a closer look at Morpheus, trying to find out what was different from his looks since we saw the last (and first) time. Or at least the last time that I seemed to remember clearly in my oh-so confused mind.

All of a sudden I realized I was staring openly at him and I ripped my eyes off his appearance, clearing my throat *why do I feel so embarrassed? That's never been my style! *

'Yeah, well... it uh... grew too noisy, ya know? I just can't stand that tonight. Thought it would be the best to see who else is awake here'

'Lucky them. Sometimes it's not too easy for the loners among us. It is not long ago that we lost half of our crew: dear friends to all of us.' he sighs 'some of us are still grieving. - But take a seat somewhere and make yourself as comfortable as possible.'

With a gesture he invited me to sit somewhere on the table and I did so, pushing away some sheets of paper.

Morpehus offered me a 'tea' and I gladly accepted something hot to drink. Argh! What was that? Nearly tasteless, it had just enough taste to make clear that this was the worst tea I ever tasted. But it warmed me and that was more than nothing.

We spent more than an hour there, just sitting. I felt that this wasn't the right time for the thousands of questiones that were whirling in my head. He would talk when the moment was right. Anyway, I really took some comfort in the calm & steady presence of Morpheus.

More and more details of my surrounding trickled into my consciousness: The IV-plug in my forearm with a dried small trickle of blood where I ripped off the needle in my panicking, the metallic smell all over the palce, the strange rags Morpheus and me *!* wore as clothing *were was my jacket? my boots? my smokes?! * and the worn-out look of all the equipment around. *if this is the Matrix I don't know what is so special about it. *

Then I felt sleep overwhelming me and went back into my room and quickly dazed away.

****

Next morning I was introduced to the crew: Trinity *the blanket-giving woman *, Tank the Operator *whatever that may be * and Needles, the Medic *a 15 year old doc? Ridiculous *. Neo and Morpheus I already knew, memories were coming back slowly.

I watched them eating some amorph stuff. I wasn't hungry at all after I had a closer look on my body : it was in a poor condition, far from the super-fit organism I had trained for years. If they really rebuilt the muscles 8 weeks long while I was in an artificial sleep, what did I look like, when they picked me up???

Why was anything atrophied at all?

Still not a cigarette in sight.

Morpehus addressed me:

'I think, the moment has come to answer some of your questions, especially the one that brought you here. Come with me. Tank, Needles: help me, please.'

The Operator and the Medic immediately dropped their spoons and followed Morpheus. *Wow! good trained crew. Tanaka would be content * My curiousitiy made me keep up with their pace.

We came to the area were I sat with Morpheus last night but they led me to one of the chairs put up in a circle right beside. Inviting gestures made me take place while Tank jumped into his chair. Neo and Trinity joined the group now.

Needles kept my head pressed against the chair:

'this will feel a bit sick, but you'll get used to that soon.'

Woooosh! *and how sick! Holy shit.*

I found myself in an area that formed the perfect contradiction to last night's embarrassing darkness: a vast, white nothing. But now I felt like _me_ again! And I looked like me again, too! Even my favourite clothes were back. *Will this nightmare never end? Will there always be another exaggeration? Wonder what can top this!*

I got the standard-introduction into their construct and the nature of the matrix. And I was so cool: nearly 10 years among the Yakuza teach you so well how to keep a stone-face, how to build an armour around your real feelings. Again, Tanaka would have been proud! I had been a good student - especially because I am white, anglo-american-rooted.

But no! Tanaka was nothing but a fake! As was everything. EVERYTHING!

When I had taken in enough to chew on for the moment, I calmly asked to be let out, left alone to meditate & focus. I waited until they unplugged me and gave way.

++++ Trinity remembers: ++++

We all watched the screens while Morpheus was in the construct with Diamond, explaining her the nature of the Matrix. We were merely surprised of her reactions.

Neo: 'Wow! Ya ever seen someone bein' that cool?'

Me: 'No. She really deserves her name: this woman is darn tough. Wonder what will break her armour...'

Neo: 'Hopefully it will not scatter in a risky situation. We need her so urgently.'

Needles: 'I can't believe it. Bet old Morpheus is stunned, too!'

Tank: 'Holy shit!'

Me: 'What?'

Tank was staring at Diamonds bio-monitors:

'She's not half as cool. Watch her heart rate and blood pressure. Needles: you better watch that closely. Hope she will not pop in coolness.'

Neo: 'Damn it! We should get her out before she collapses. Tank, you better get ready for unloading. Needles, you're in charge now. Tell us when to take her out!'

Needles observed the monitors but before the biodata went to critical values, Diamond asked to be unloaded. Needles unplugged her and we all stood there, stunned watching Diamond returning calmly into her quarters.

'I'm sorry to interrupt your meditation, but would anybody of you guys mind to get me off the hook?'

Morpehus! We were so absorbed by watching Diamond, we completely forgot that another guy was still waiting for a hand. Neo rushed over help him. Morpheus was just taking breath to speak, when we heared a loud scream. Morpehus and Neo fought their way through the mass of cables, Needles an me bumped into each other when we tried to run over to the quarters' area, so Tank was the first to reach Diamonds door.

++++ Diamond tells: ++++

I made it into the cabin, closed the door and then....

I felt it. I knew it: Deep hot anger gathered inside me, rising & growing until, with a loud scream I could not hold back, I felt the rage coming up, exploding in really good aimed, professional kicks against this thing they called a bed. I really went berserk as I haven't done for a long time. I completely lost my temper.

Next thing I remember were arms, strong like steel bars pressing my arms to my body (after I surely hit whoever it was several times ), holding me until after a while, I calmed down.

'You OK? can set you free?', a voice asked. Took some time to realize it was Tank's.

Heavily panting, I just nodded.

Hesitantly he loosened his grip and finally stepped back.

'Leave me, please, I have an urgent need to focus.'

'Uh - sure...'

He went back to the door, where the others were gathering, observing. Before Tank finally locked the door, he looked at me and then raised a hand towards his face.

....

There was nothing to focus on.

I was empty.

Everything was gone. 19 years of emotions, actions, relationships (although most of them not really worth a cent), all you define your existence, yourself by: shattered and the pieces vanished into haze.

I was a nobody, a nothing.

A new-born baby must feel very similar: basic physical needs, being thrown into a cold, uncomfortable surrounding with no possibility to return.

With a slight difference: It was my desicion to come here *must have been crazy!* What I had learned was still in my brains! Looking at the chaos around me it was obvious that my knowledge of martial arts hadn't left me, my body seemed to be the same (well, in general it was). Zen hadn't left me either.

I knew it would take some time to adjust to this, to separate all the fakes from the real. And if rugged clothes and stale food would be all I had to pay for having a real life, I would gladly pay that price (although I somehow knew that the price would proof to be much higher)

Sitting there for countless hours finally I could concentrate on my Hara and felt my Ki slowly flooding back in. It filled me with new energy and a new feeling. Something I never had before: something you need in the reality to stay alive:

Fear.

finis