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Too Much
Disclaimer: this installment is for the sole purpose of entertainment both the author and the readers.
I do not intent to make money of it, so please don't sue me.
All characters unless noted otherwise are the property of J.R.R. Tolkien.
It's Tolkien's fault. Had he given us more female Elves to work on....
As it is we must deal with what we have - not that we care. :-))
Rating: R/NC-17
Summary: In the wake of Elrond's council solitary Erestor finds a new love ....and an old one returns unexpectedly.
Slight SM, lots of drama and some sex. Be warned and prepared...
Author's note: this is the result of an RPG, so not solely written by me but by Lady Phoenix as well.
Archieve: as long as we know: yes.
Feedback: YESSSSSS! It keeps us going!
Pairing: Erestor/Lindir, Erestor/OMC
The days passed too quickly for Lindir's taste. His arm continued to hurt, to trouble him. When he lay in Erestor's arms, the darkness seemed further away, the pain less noticeable. He came to realize that even the chill on his skin was driven back by the force of their love. Each day he watched Erestor heal as well, knew that soon Lord Elrond would take the man from his side.
Whereas Lindir might not be well enough for travel for some time, Erestor soon would be fit for duty. //You love a soldier. You must accept that he has duties to fulfill whether they center around battle or not.// "Ah, love, I do not wish these days to end." Lindir rested his head on Erestor's broad chest with a sigh. "Is it selfish of me to desire your company even above the safety of Imladris?"
"aye." Erestor smiled. "I fare no better myself. I doubt anybody does." the Chief Counselor had not know such happiness in many millennia and he was finally beginning to feel whole again. He bloomed in the light of their love and took great pleasures in fretting over Lindir.
During the past days he had taken over some of his usual duties. Like any morning he was reluctant to get up, to leave the warm nest of their bed. He bathed quickly, combed his hair and braided it in a simple style like any warrior. Dressing was more of a ritual than routine as he took great care to appear dignified and according to his station. So he was not ready when Elrond requested to enter.
"Please, come in. Good morning my Lord." Erestor fluently changed into his formal self.
"Good morning. Lindir." Elrond nodded at the minstrel's direction. "I got word from Lindon. They have sent a host to strengthen our weakened ranks. They have passed Bree and I need you to ride out to escort them to Imladris. I have two guards waiting to ride with you."
"Now?" Erestor was baffled.
"Why, of course. It would be very rude to let them pass the Last Bridge without having sent an escort. You better hurry, they have already passed Weathertop."
"As you wish, my Lord." Erestor bowed slightly. When Elrond had left he turned with an apologetical smile "Well, we knew this would happen sooner or later, my love." Erestor was already changing into leggings and tunic to put on his armor. This time he invested a lot to appear as a warrior of high rank, re-braided his hair in a rather elaborate pattern, put on his circlet of station and polished the inlay of his armor.
"Await us on the sixth day from now. I love you." it was their fist kiss in public when Erestor bid his farewell on the main terrace. They had braided silver bells into Gil's mane and when he set out with the two guards he looked proud enough to be a king.
Lindir watched his lover go with tears in his eyes. He knew the detail was far from dangerous, that Erestor would indeed return soon, but still it pained him to be separated so soon. The bard brushed away all attempts at comfort and wandered listlessly back to his rooms to await the elder's return.
~~~
They met the Lindonian Elves as planned and after Erestor had exchanged the appropriate pleasantries and formal greetings with the Captain, he rode at the elf's side until they made camp at dusk where Erestor watched the scene unfurl from the edge of the clearing. //we are in dire need of them! I should thank the Valar for this is well-sung and brightly woven. Less than three days until I will be home again. With Lindir...//
He was having a strange feeling, as if he was being watched and his keen eyes scanned the dark.
"When I first spotted you, I thought it impossible," came a low, sensuous voice from the shadows.
Ai! He would never forget this voice! Erestor gasped. He knew! He needed no proof, no sighting: The sudden swelling of a bond thought severed over 6500 years ago made it hard for Erestor to breathe. They had been married half a century in the First Age: a love born and forged on countless battlefields; a warrior's love: fierce, rough, wild.
"In all my time on the western shores, I was told that you had fallen, and I knew that my heart would never again be satisfied..." Stepping into the light, Daerdion's dark eyes fixed on Erestor.
"Daer...." he whispered with a choking voice. He started to shake uncontrollably. Erestor had been completely unprepared. His legs betrayed him and he sank to the ground. Erestor thought his heart would give up on him.
"But there is no question... no doubt..." Soon he was kneeling beside Erestor, a faint smile formed on his lips. "You have returned to me, my husband."
Their relationship had never ended, Erestor's love for Daerdion had never died - he had only ever since felt the loss, an ache that had slightly dulled with time. "Daerdion! They had told me they had seen you fall! Ai, Daer! All those years I bemoaned your loss." Overwhelmed by his emotions he fell into the arms of his long lost husband, laughing and crying at the same time, as he ravaged Deardion's mouth.
It felt as if those millennia had never happened, as if they had parted only yesterday and he had never tried to follow his husband to the Halls of Waiting, had never been tormented - it was all crisp and clear and fresh, like he had woken from a dream.
Groaning as their lips parted, Daerdion rested his forehead against Erestor's and smiled. "You still taste sweet. As to seeing me fall... I did indeed. For what seemed an eternity I lay healing in the royal hall at Lindon. I too believed that you had perished as did those who tended me." He sounded pained even at the memory. "I thought that I would spend my life alone. Even your memory is too strong to be overwhelmed by another, my love."
Erestor froze. Only now did he truly realize how twisted the whole situation was, did he remember Lindir whose memory had been blacked out by the brilliance of the moment. //Lindir! By the Valar, if I had bound myself to him....I would have killed Daerdion!//
"I...I'm....afraid I was not as faithful, beloved." he stared at the ground, not ashamed but still unable to face his husband's gaze.
Almost too caught in the moment of wonder to understand the words, Daerdion's smile faltered only after a long pause of thought. "You... have shared your body? Surely there is no shame in that," he began. Elves were eternal, after all, and to share another's bed no terrible crime. Seeing the look in Erestor's eyes, sadness slowly crept over the warrior. "Ah. It is not that. You have shared your heart..."
Feeling betrayed despite how foolish he knew it to be--after all, how could Erestor have known when he did not?--Daerdion pulled away. His shoulders slumped slightly, and he felt the pang of loss. "And who is it that attracted you so, melda?"
Erestor couldn't help but feel guilty. How could he not have known? If their bond had not been severed, he SHOULD have! The ancient Noldo shook his head.
"I had contented myself to live in solitude among the family of my foster-son. My heart never spoke to any until...not too long ago my eyes fell onto a bard. He is -" Erestor stopped, realizing that Daerdion would not want to hear Lindir's praise in this situation. "He is from Lindon....only a fortnight ago did I finally speak my mind and....I proposed." the last words were but a whisper against the rustling of the trees.
Daerdion shook his head as if to deny the words. Erestor may not have known he still lived, but it seemed too cruel that fate would have brought them together again only to have robbed him of Erestor's heart.
Clasping Daerdion's hands, Erestor hurried to assert his feelings "I love you, Daer, and you know that. But...I also love Lindir. I cannot undo the words I spoke to him." Erestor already felt torn in two. Too upset to remain calm, he stood and paced in a narrow circle. "Why - why now? Why can nothing just work out nicely?" he exclaimed.
"My love, even if I wished to release you from your promise to me... we are bonded." Daerdion's deep, smooth voice almost broke. He took a deep, slow breath and held Erestor's hands more tightly in his own, both worn from years spent in battle away from the comforts of home.
Erestor looked at his husband, pain plain to see in his eyes. That he was now such cause of pain to his love seemed most cynical to him. "I would never request such, hervenn."
"And I do not wish to let you go. 'Restor, I have spent years living with only your ghost. I do not think myself strong enough to turn away from sharing your life now that I have you by my side once again."
Erestor nodded. It was not his wish to leave Daerdion now that he had found him again. At the same time could he not imagine to tell Lindir it had all been but a joke.
"I cannot see a way out of this that wouldn't cause grave harm to somebody I love." he whispered. "I'd rather die than letting you go again, Daer. Yet, Lin-....he is so... Ai, Elbereth! What shall I do? How shall I decide whose heart is to be broken by my actions?" Erestor was desperate. "Hold me?" he pleaded.
Daerdion smiled gently and drew the warrior forward into his arms. The warmth and weight of Erestor's body almost made him cry. It had been too long since they shared this familiar comfort. "Will you stay with me this night? I understand if you cannot share your body yet, but I do not think that I could let you go..."
"Yes, please. I fare no better, my love." they stood and slowly walked back to the camp where they cuddled up at a fire. They spent the night talking softly, doing some catching-up with the other's life as they held each other.
~~~
Lindir stared out over the beautiful forest, the deep dark of the shadows and the bright trees clothed in fall colors closest to the Last Homely House. None of it cheered him. He'd scarcely done more than watch since Erestor's departure despite the best efforts of Elrond's staff.
"You should eat," they said. "You should walk a bit, try to regain your strength," the urged. "At least lie down," they'd finally cajoled.
Lindir gave in to none of the requests. The wound on his shoulder throbbed steadily now. It was almost comforting in some strange way to have his body answering the emotional pain of separation. //When he returns, the pain will be gone.// He had perked up a bit at Elrond's visit, but the lord had expressed concern that the progress of the past days seemed to be slowly unraveling. Again the spidery black lines crept out fron the wound, and Lindir's flesh was chill to the touch.
He waved off Elrond's concern. He knew what could cure the ache, knew that in a few days more his lover would return and all would be well once again.
~~~
Their ride back to Imladris went without interruption, not a miracle considering the number of warriors riding. Whenever Erestor could spare time from discussing political matters with the Lindonian Captain, he returned to his husband's side. But their conversation did not go easy and with Imladris drawing closer, Erestor's mood sank more and more. He had no idea what to tell Lindir, how to act with both his loved ones present.
Daerdion could be very determined and Erestor couldn't see how Lindir would stand a chance against the warrior //are you mad? There will be no kinslaying because of your foolish actions! Before they fight I'd rather end my life.//
Their arrival was hailed by silver horns and the light clip-clap of the horses' hooves echoed from the walls of the houses as they rode up to the main house where the household awaited them. Lord Elrond stood at the top of the stairs to greet them accordingly. After some servants saw to that the soldiers were housed in the barracks, the leaders who were supposed to reside in the guest-wing of the main house dismounted and so did Erestor and Daerdion.
Erestor took Daerdion's arm rather formally and walked to Elrond where both elves bowed in fron of the Lord.
"My Lord, I would like to introduce you to Daerdion, my husband." he said formally. Elrond gave him The Eyebrow before he addressed Daerdion. "It is an honor to welcome my foster-father's husband. He often told me stories in praise of your bravery. May your unexpected arrival be accompanied by joy." Elrond replied formally, although he doubted it would be that way.
Daerdion bowed in return to the younger elf and smiled warmly on Elrond. "This reunion was expected by neither of us... but I hope that your wishes bring luck with them." His dark gaze swept the landscape as if searching for the one who he felt sure would be seeking his husband's greeting.
Apparently noting the look, Elrond tilted his head slightly and addressed the next words to Erestor. "Lindir is abed. His health has faded these past days in your absence."
Had he not been so concerned, Erestor would have told Elrond his tact was lacking a lot lately. As it was he only gasped "No!" with dread. How could that be? Lindir had looked so well the day he had left!
//An invalid, then...// Daerdion felt a pang. Bad enough that the young one was a bard and not someone he could rightfully fight but now to hear that he was ill as well. He knew Erestor too well to think the man would want to break any hearts let alone that of one too weak to bear the strain.
"I shall escort you to my rooms." Erestor walked Daerdion through the halls and into his own quarters. Anything else would have been far too compromising. Not only was is his husband's right, but he wanted Daerdion to stay with him.
"you shall find anything you need here. Behind that door is a private bathroom if you should prefer that to the public bathhouse." Erestor pointed out that special arrangement. "I have some urgent matters to attend to now." he wanted to go and see Lindir as fast as he could!
"I hope that he is well," Daerdion responded. Sadness colored his tone, but he brushed only a brief kiss to Erestor's lips. However he might want the boy out of the picture, he hated to see Erestor in pain. //Of course, if he does pass on his own...// Shaking away the thoughts and feeling shame for even thinking such a thing, Daerdion stepped back. "Go."
Erestor felt terribly guilty as he left, bereft of words. And what could he say that would undo this dilemma? Nothing.
Fast as he could he made his way to the House of Healing, entering the door of Lindir's after a brief knock without waiting for an answer.
Lindir looked terribly pale, eyes sunken. //Worse than it was before!// he rushed to the bed, gathering the weakened minstrel in his arms, showering his face with butterfly-kisses. "Lindir, what are you doing? You are supposed to be up, not falling sick again, my dear."
"Erestor?" Lindir felt a rush of happiness at his lover's touch, hearing the elder's voice again. "I... I tried. I wanted to be well for you when you returned, but... Without you, love... It got worse. The pain..." He buried his face against Erestor's neck and breathed deep of the earthy scent of his lover. "Do not leave me again. I know it is selfish, but I cannot bear to be without you."
Erestor shook with his inner conflicts as he pressed Lindir against his body "I missed you!" he whispered. "You need to heal, melamin! You need to be strong, these are no easy times." he couldn't make himself tell Lindir. Not when the bard was obviously so close to fading. on the other hand: he deserved the truth, and he deserved to hear it from him, not via gossip.
"I know." Lindir sighed and gently kissed his lover's neck. However pitiful he felt, he could not resist the temptation of tasting Erestor's skin once more.
Erestor sat down with a sigh and cradled Lindir in his arms and biting his lip, fighting the tears that stung behind his eyelids.
"I love you, Lindir. Keep that in mind when I tell you now...." Ai, how should he deliver this? Where should he begin? "I must tell you that among the Lindonian host was one.... I have always thought my husband had died in the Nirnaeth....but he lived!" Erestor felt utterly miserable for the joy in his voice. How could he sound happy when delivering such a blow? "He is here. I would have waited telling you but I did not want you to learn this from gossiping servants. I love you, do you hear me?"
Lindir scrambled back from Erestor's arms. He leaned back on his good hand, his eyes looking dark in contrast to too-pale skin and the blackened wound. "And what does that matter? You... you are bonded..." The bard sounded almost ill. Tears brimmed in his eyes, and he trembled faintly. "You belong to another." Even repeating the words did nothing to make them more logical. //This cannot be! I cannot find him and then... then... nay! This cannot be...//
"Aye, I am bonded." Erestor said gently. "And I neither wish to undo that nor could I. Yet I still love you. I..." his voice broke with despair. Erestor could not see a way out of this. The great Chief Counselor was not able to find a solution satisfactory to three people!
"There must be a way." Erestor choked and tried to pull Lindir back into his arms.
The bard resisted, tears streaking his pale face. "Would you have me as your lover, then? Call me to your side when he is away?" Lindir couldn't hold back a sob at the idea. He'd truly believed that Erestor was his soul mate, the one he was destined to hold throughout his immortal life. To be robbed of that dream and have it replaced by something so base was painful at best. Eyes downcast, he whispered, "If you wished it... if you wished it, I would..."
"Nay! I wouldn't." since Lindir resisted, he held the bard at arm's length. "I wouldn't treat you like that. I'd want an honorable way. My heart is not a treacherous pit of lies!"
Erestor's head ached, he was tired and felt dirty. The Counselor wondered if he should have rested before confronting Lindir. He knew himself well enough to know he was less than patient when he was as tired.
"Would you truly consent in an arrangement without being bonded to me? Would love without a bond be enough?" Erestor would search the books for a similar case. He couldn't be the first to love two at a time! "Do not think love is more or less valuable because one is bonded or not, my dear. I'd rather be loved without a bond than be bonded without love!"
Lindir bit his lip. "I... wish to be bonded to you. I would not have agreed if I did not. If you were indeed bonded without love... but you do love him." Even if Erestor had not said as much, his eyes, his voice told of his happiness to be reunited with his lost husband. "What is there left to say? You are bonded to him, you still love him... whatever you feel for me, your loyalty lies with him."
"I see." Erestor whispered. Then he stood, straightened and pulled up his defenses "I am inconsolable to cause you this much pain, Lindir. I promised you to speak my heart. Well: I wish you could agree on less but as it is know that I will never be fully happy again for my heart is breaking by leaving you behind." he reached out to touch Lindir for a last time but stopped in mid-air. Turning he left the room fast as he could, limping.
Between the House of Healing and the main house was a small open pathway. There Erestor stood in the drizzling rain that mercifully washed away his tears. He would not burden Daer with tears shed for another lover!
TBC...
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