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"If I had known! I
wouldn't have done that...." Glorfindel confessed.
"Well, you never cared
about him. Else you would have noticed his awkward way of walking."
Gandalf reminded Glorfindel.
"Even if I had cared
for the dour bookworm earlier - how should anybody spot anything under those
heavy robes he hides in? What happened to him and when?"
Gandalf mulled over the
question whether he should tell Glorfindel or not. For several minutes they
walked in silence, Glorfindel patiently waited.
"I don't think it is
mine to tell, but I understand your curiosity. But: you must not tell anybody
else, not even Erestor. I still believe it is solely his to tell."
"I understand."
the blond Noldo agreed immediately.
"It wasn't so long
ago, during the battle of the Last Alliance...a few generals of Gil-galad and
their aides were captured by forces of Sauron and brought for interrogation.
The aides were tortured and killed to weaken the generals' resistance. Then the
interrogation started. They were tortured but would not give in. One after the
other died without giving away useful information. their souls abandoned their
abused bodies to travel to Mandos. But to punish their former resilience Sauron
had found a way to capture the souls and keep them imprisoned for everlasting
tortures.
The last one to live was
Gil-galad's right hand elf. He did not want to betray his lord but he did not
want to have his soul tormented forever. So he used his strength to try and
stay alive. That elf was Erestor."
"How do you
know?" although elves never tired of re-telling the tales, it was exciting
to hear a new one for a change.
Gandalf sighed.
"Because I was there."
"But... that was a
thousand years before you arrived!"
"I have always been
fascinated with the Firstborn. And... I heard their screams, so I went
there....I watched them die." The memory was painful. Again Gandalf was
quiet for a very long time, lost in memory.
"There is a reason for
keeping distance, Glorfindel. And there are good reasons for not being involved... I got too close and in the
end I could no longer watch the suffering yet I could not turn my back on him.
The old dilemma. and so.... so I broke the rules."
"What did you
do?" by now Glorfindel was spellbound.
"I soothed Erestor and
sustained him with my own power. I kept him alive until he was freed after the
fall of Sauron." Gandalf did not mention that he fell from grace for a
long time for this violation of the rules. This story was not about him, was
it? "That was a big mistake."
"How can you say that?
You saved his life!"
"It was unfair! don't
you see? Why, if I helped Erestor in the end, why did I not help the others who
died? How can you help here and stand back there? Once you set foot on that
path, you are drawn deeper and deeper into a net of unfair actions: why not
keep Gil-galad alive? Why not do this or that and turn fate’s wheel into a new
direction?. Hard as it would have been, I should have kept distance, stayed
uninvolved." If he had, then maybe now things would be easier for him to
do? That was idle thinking, what had happened had happened and nothing would
ever change that.
"I think you did
right, Gandalf. Nobody can ever do everything right, maybe not even a Maia. To
save one is better than nothing. Erestor must be very grateful."
"But he doesn't know.
He must not! Aye, he did feel a presence but I was not incarnate. And seeing
him today - is he really better off? He craves to dance with his fellow elves
yet his feet make it impossible. The scars hurt him and no maiden wants to
touch him. His dour attire is his way to keep himself from getting involved
because in the end it would only hurt the more. I thought of approaching him,
aye. Alas, what could I give him? Compassion. He does not want compassion.
Friendship. He deserves better than that. Love? Nay. I cannot give him. I love
my Curumo already."
"He was so brave and
strong and I embarrassed him so badly! Do you think I can make up for
that?" Glorfindel indeed felt miserable.
"I don't know if you
can, I can't even tell you that you should. If the two of you have nothing in
common anyway, why do anything? After the journey to Rivendell the two of you
will part and forget about what had happened. Your paths won't cross too often
anyway." if Glorfindel wanted to console Erestor, the blond had to want
it. Anything else would be naught but a waste of time and energy. Gandalf knew
Glorfindel had to find that out for himself.
"It is true, one should not ask a wizard for
directions!" Glorfindel laughed.
"Because there is not
ONE right way." Gandalf grinned.
"Anyway, I thank you
for telling me this tale!"
“I think I should come with
you. I need to talk with Lady Galadriel. We must find a way to close the gap
between Rivendell and Greenwood. If you want to I could relief you from the duty of taking Erestor back
to Imladris?” Gandalf smiled.
“I would honestly
appreciate that, Gandalf!” The prospect of riding with Gandalf for days and not
having to return with Erestor were both extremely pleasurable.
TBC...
